


A Shitty Bar

by Callofthemoon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Soulmates, stiles can't keep his mouth shut, terrible awful exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 17:02:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13194597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callofthemoon/pseuds/Callofthemoon
Summary: Everyone imagines what their first conversation with their soulmate would be, but Derek still didn't know how he'd ever respond to "I’ll give you twenty dollars to allow me to pretend to suck your dick and an extra twenty if you pretend that I’m the best you’ve ever had because my douchebag of an ex is in this shitty bar and when I caught him cheating he blamed it on my horrific blowjob skills."





	A Shitty Bar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adventures-in-mangaland](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=adventures-in-mangaland).



Everyone imagines what their first conversation with their soulmate would be. You have half a conversation tattooed above your heart, it seems only natural to imagine what the other half was. The movies always got it exactly right, pulling the other half of a conversation out of thin air with poise. The romance natural as characters knew with a single unique sentence exactly who their soulmate was. They never included the fights, the platonic soulmates, the innocuous words that people heard so often they missed their soulmate. The movies never included that majority, those whom only realized who their soulmate was after they had already left the coffee shop. Derek never worried about that, his soulmate had made sure of that. Derek had no idea what the other half of that conversation ever could be. He’s pretty sure he speaks second, but even after years and years of thinking about it, he had no idea what he ever could respond to “I’ll give you twenty dollars to allow me to pretend to suck your dick and an extra twenty if you pretend that I’m the best you’ve ever had because my douchebag of an ex is in this shitty bar and when I caught him cheating he blamed it on my horrific blowjob skills.” Derek also feels bad for his parents, who themselves met in kindergarten asking about crayons, who had to explain exactly what all of that meant when Derek finally distinguished the scrawled writing across his chest when he was five. It was all very vague, until high school when the locker room became a place to brag about your soulmate conversation. Derek himself tried to keep his words to himself, they were crude, and he didn’t want anyone else making them cruder. His soulmate was going to be unforgettable and he wasn’t going to let anyone make that a joke.

  
Statistically most people met their soulmates in college, Derek thought it had to do with the massive amount of people you met, but Derek had graduated years ago, and he was still alone. His sisters had apparently even posted his profile on one of those matching sites, that paired soulmates together by potential conversations, and then set you up. Derek still wasn’t sure if those worked. It certainly never did for him, on the three dates he had been set up on had all ended when he introduced himself politely first. Despite the crushing defeat, Derek dragged himself to the dive bars of dive bars every Friday night, waiting for him to be in the right shitty bar at the right time to save his soulmate from his douchebag ex. And while Derek hadn’t met his soulmate, Erica had met Boyd with a “I’d use a terrible pickup line if I thought it would work on you,” Isaac had met his sister Cora with a “Scarves in July show you’re a pretentious douche,” and Kira had met a puppy-like Scott with an apology. Derek had gotten food poisoning twice this month and contemplated whether or not his soulmate was still dating his douchebag ex who was cheating on him.

  
Bachelorette parties made less sense if the groom was there. But with Kira getting married, he was off to a bar owned by Scott’s best-friend for a bachelorette party that included everyone in the wedding party, including Scott. Derek didn’t even try to understand exactly what Kira was thinking. He only knew when he was supposed to show up, and when he could leave. The evening was fun, stalling through a series of awkward side conversations with Scott’s friends, while Kira beamed as if the whole world had aligned for her. Of course somehow it had. Derek was just grabbing the next round when he felt someone sling an arm around his waist, and a voice ran in his ear, saying very familiar words in a much more masculine voice then Derek had ever imagined them.  
“I’ll give you twenty dollars to allow me to pretend to suck your dick and an extra twenty if you pretend that I’m the best you’ve ever had because my douchebag of an ex is in this shitty bar and when I caught him cheating he blamed it on my horrific blowjob skills.”

  
Derek swung around, falling into whiskey eyes before uttering his very first thought. “This is the shitty bar.” Derek couldn’t get over it. This wasn’t a shitty bar. It was cozy. What was his soulmate thinking? His soulmate. Those were words he was more than willing to roll around his brain. Because he could already tell his soulmate was going to be as unforgettable as he imagined.

The man laughed, throwing his head back, “I certainly hope not, I own it after all.”

Derek was still trying to process that this was his soulmate, when someone else entered their space, interrupted their moment. Derek was already turning to glare the man away when he felt the man at his side stiffen. The voice that came out of his soulmate was strangled, “Brian, what a surprise? In my bar. Where you were never supposed to be...” and as the beautiful man trailed off, Derek slipped an arm around him, pulling him into his side and smiling down him. And then it all broke down as the interloper’s snide voice broke the reverie, again.

“Stiles. Who’s this?” Derek has never felt so objectified and condescended to in his life, but his soulmate had a name now. A name that was strikingly familiar, now that he thought about it. But first, it was time for Derek to defend his soulmate from his douchebag ex. The moment he had been preparing for years. From the moment he understood that his soulmate was going to date other people and that those other people were going to be shitty other people who cheated on him. And so he drew himself, thanked the gods he was wearing his leather jacket and scowled. It was a face Erica said made him look like a serial killer, and judging from the way Brian took a step back, it was working.

“I’m his soulmate. You must be the douchebag ex I know so much about.” Derek allowed himself to smile, “Now if you’ll excuse us, we were having a pleasant evening at our friends’ bachelorette party.” And Derek grabbed Stiles’ hand to walk away when the douchebag stepped in front, and laughed.

“His soulmate? What a fucking joke. Knowing Stiles he just walked up to the first nice guy he saw and begged you to play his date.” And that cruel laugh echoed again, while Derek smiled with more teeth than joy. Stiles looked ready to fold in on himself, a look Derek wanted to ensure never happened again. The joy of this moment was being ruined by this douchebag, and Derek was done. And he felt the rage boil, the rage for his soulmate, this person he always knew was going to be his, and decided to let go.

“Stiles always deserved better than you. Better than your cheating ways. Better than your derisive comments. Just better. And that is what I am. Better.” And Derek pushed past the douchebag ex, pulling Stiles behind him and out of the bar, breathing in the cold air to try to calm down.

“Dude, I can’t even. I’m so sorry. And Brian, and oh my god I can’t believe that is what’s tattooed on you. How can you even look me in the eye? Oh my god, Scott isn’t going to believe this. Also what were you thinking, This is the shitty bar. I was always wondering what I could have possibly said to make you say that. There is no punctuation with soulmarks, you know. I always thought you were just going to insult my bar right off the bat. But no, I propositioned you. Even worse I fake propositioned you. Oh my god, your parents must hate me. This is so much better than I ever thought this would go. You just defended my honor. I think I could marry you. Did you see his face. Shit, I just asked you to marry me before our first date. Oh my god, I’m making an even worse impression than my first impression.”

And Derek decided to just take his moment, pushing his soulmate against the wall and kissing him. His smile broke the kiss. He was right about one thing. His soulmate was going to be unforgettable.


End file.
